Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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