she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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