I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
