OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
