i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
