all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
