I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
