i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You pole danced in your parka.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
