i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
