One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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