Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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