I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
