I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize
