I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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