i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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