haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
