The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
How naked do you want me to be?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
