If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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