yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
