So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I looked at my own cervix.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
