Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
