now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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