Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
