Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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