I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
