Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
