Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
