These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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