Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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