her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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