I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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