rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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