I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
