wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
