It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
