i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
