how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
