my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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