the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Mom said you looked used
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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