please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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