i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
