she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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