hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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