ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also, beer. Big fan.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
