I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just high enough for therapy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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