I'm really into asian looking animals
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
