You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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