Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
no, he came in my armpit
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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