it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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