she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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