i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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