'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
