oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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