There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So vagazzling was a success
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