I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
