It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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