I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
