She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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