there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
