He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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