If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
