im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
