I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
